Masking in the Workplace (and Not the COVID Kind)

Picture yourself having to go to work on a bad day and fake it.  Maybe it’s not the worst day, but it still really sucks, and your attitude is rotten.  With no one to talk to, a workplace that doesn’t have forgiveness for your absence or absent mindedness, and no way to take time off, what do you do to prepare?  How do you feel?  Can you hold it together? 

Do you want to?

The topic of masking is littered with opinions when it comes to how open a person should be and how much display of one’s true self at work is warranted.  The truth is the requirements vary based on the person and the company when it comes to norms and cultural expectations for individual expression.  It’s a bit of a moving target that isn’t “one size fits all.”   

However, when we feel like we don’t fit, aren’t safe to share, or don’t want to open parts of ourselves for whatever reason (which can be totally valid), it causes us to mask or code-switch as we transition between the major elements of our lives (like work, family, friends, or romantic partners)  Why is this important?  Because when we do it too much, it could burn us out.

Before we move on, let’s be clear what I’m talking about:

·      Code switching refers to what happens to our affect and mannerisms when we go from one social context to another, mainly in terms of how we adapt our behavior to fit a given context, and by how much.  In some cases, people experience multiple identities across different contexts that don’t always harmonize.  Many of my minority clients experience this in a very real way going from the workplace to home life.  Even if you aren’t part of a minority group, you likely code switch, too; think about how you behave around new friends or a partner’s family the first time compared to how you behave when you’re more comfortable.

·      Masking is more of a mental health term, used commonly in the neurodivergent community, to describe the act of hiding your true self to better blend in with social situations or to minimize perceived deficiencies.  This term is becoming more mainstream, and I think it really applies to all of us – anyone who has ever had a secret, felt like they didn’t fit in so tried extra hard to make an impression, or struggled to say, “I don’t know,” instead of faking it can relate.  That seems like pretty much everyone.

A couple thoughts:  Inherently, a lot of this seems natural.  People want to be liked and learn that different situations call for different behavior.  That being said, it’s also not a good recipe for life to have to code switch too dramatically, too often, or feel like we need to mask in major ways across all elements of our lives.  To put it simply, we get tired:

·      Tired of caring so much

·      Tired of feeling unseen

·      Tired of being misunderstood

·      Tired of not being more you…

…Cue burnout, and, for most people, generally not being very happy.

One of the things I don’t do in my career coaching or workplace consulting is teach more extreme code-switching and masking to fit in or fix problems at work.  That is probably what some coaches would have done, because it’s seen as how you get ahead.  In these times of authentic leadership and value-centered organizations, I am all for workplace diversity.  I think for members of minority groups, teaching them to mask more undermines the strengths in their uniqueness and asks them to be more “X,”  but the “X” does not apply to a relevant performance metric of the job. Rather, it applies to a cultural expectation in the workplace (and maybe beyond), that people blend in certain ways.  

When the workplace was set up, primarily for the white, cishet man, it created a set of lasting biases that don’t fit everyone in the workforce today.  The beauty of the times we are living in now, though, is that many companies have evolved and new organizations with a different value set driving them have emerged. 

I talk to people about their job satisfaction regularly.  I have a few trends I’ve observed about people who report being satisfied with their work when it comes to code-switching and masking:

·      People’s work selves are usually a more formal version of themselves, but they’re still them at the core (the value set doesn’t have to bend much)

·      People usually disclose less at work than they would with a trusted friend or close family member, but...

·      …People also do better in work environments where they have a work bestie or co-workers they can relate to and confide in

My approach in coaching is to empower people with the tools they need to find companies and roles that fit closer to who they really are so they can have the benefits of a healthy career and enjoy their work more.

So, what to do when it comes to work, where we are code-switching and probably masking at least some of the time? Try to do some, or all, of these: 

·      Work for a company or boss that aligns enough with your core values

·      Choose roles that are mainly activities you are excited or willing to do without dreading those moments

·      Create an alliance in your workplace so that you have allies and meaningful relationships at work

·      Don’t let work tension fester, address it professionally, and find options for yourself before they’re chosen for you

To leave you with a mindfulness challenge to reflect on code switching and masking throughout life this week:

As this topic is top of mind, just notice yourself across contexts:

·      Where are you most yourself?

·      Who do you share most openly and least openly with?

·      Which contexts cause excitement?  Which cause anxiety?  Does that have anything to do with code switching or masking?

·      Is work your most extreme shift?  If so, does it feel an appropriate amount?

When we ask ourselves these questions, we can make more informed decisions about how and where we choose to shift our behaviors and how much it’s worth it to do so.

If you find you’re masking and code-switching too much and need help navigating a change, my door is always open to help you explore this.